Vol II

Im a very complex person.

Now to settle this now Im not about to come out as a Psychopath, but no person is clean cut, if they say they are they are lying.

During my dark times of my life, I always had one thing on my mind, how the hell am I going to get out of this? Whats the point? How can I progress? What impact does this have on the long term goal of mine?

I imagine other people think this way. Maybe I’m wrong, who knows right?

All I know is that the two things that got me through, was recalling my end desire, and amazing people around me. Truly amazing people, like family, friends and amazing people. If these things didn’t exist in my life, I really can’t see how I would get out of that blah period.

Confused is a painting by Diana Casanova which was uploaded on February 19th, 2009.

Another thing that helped me was random good things that happened, like simple things, things going your way, finding money, catching the bus you ran for, catching the train you rushed for, getting some good news. These spontaneous acts of happiness helped me keep the momentum and strength to keep going. They were like little shots of adrenaline keeping me going.

Now whats the moral, where am I going with this?

First of all, its a simple fact of people don’t always appear as they feel inside. This is not meant in a sinister sense but some people  are very good at putting up a front to hide their problems from the world. Im one of those people. Now I don’t have many problems now to really hide luckily so its not a problem now, but then was a different story. I kept smiling, doing my normal things I do, getting some work done, going about my days as normal. However inside I was breaking, but I didn’t realise how bad until I crumbled. Thats another thing some people do, including me. Bottle things up.

Im a keep calm and carry on guy. When things get thrown at me I put them in a pile and work through them when I can. I don’t pay much attention to them, and keep going at my business. However when this pile gets a little too tall and starts to rock and eventually falls, the feelings and the mess can be catastrophic. It was in my case and it wasn’t until this happened when I knew I had to change the way I function because it wasn’t conducive to a efficient work ethic and wasn’t good for maintaining positive mental function. I neglected my mental health. Something very much overlooked. Without the mind you are nothing, so its worth the care it needs, and I know that now.

Fast tracking to now is a completely different story. I have a new outlook on life, I have put my all into my business and sorting my mental health out, which is now fine and good and dandy 🙂 I have got back to looking for my, in certain terms ‘partner in crime’ and that search has seemed to been very very successful so far, we shall see how things go ❤

I have a vision of the future, I am comfortable with my state of mind and my thoughts, and you shall find out soon what else has been swirling in this head of mine 🙂

Things seem great and are great so far and can’t wait to see what happens in the future!

One could say I have got my Mojo back 🙂

B x x x


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