Commitment is an act, not a word.

So its been a while and alot has happened in that while. Now I have been searching for a long time, and searching searching searching for that solemate, that ‘one’ that many people speak of and its been a long lengthy process, lets just say I have kissed many frogs on my quest for love its getting rather boring.

Now argueably I feel I did find it once, however factors outside my control meant that they became, at least for now, the one that got away.

However then after a long while I met a guy that I actually really liked! Hoorah! Could this be the magical one I have been searching for!

We met in Regents Park and it was such a lovely day, we sat, ate, laughed and joked around. It was blissful. No forced feelings, so awkwardness. He was pretty nice on the eye too not going to lie.

Weeks went by, then months, and we just seemed to jel amazingly. I was starting to feel like finally after nearly two years I have found someone that I could say would be worthy of having my love, something only one person before ever recieved. However this was when things started to take a darker turn.

We has insanely vein. His instagram took priority of his life. Every second opening his phone to check it, pose and do those awful duck face, excuse my french, fuck boy poses and the hand through the hair look. It made me cringe but he had to accept my excentricites so I thought I just need to stomach it. He also had a rather dark past of depression and anxiety so I thought it may be the thing that helps him cope so I didn’t raise anything.

It has now been three months since we have been seeing eachother and in my eyes he could be my boyfriend by now easily, and I wanted to ask him. However we had been having mini arguements over the stupidest things like clashes with what he posted on instagram. He would post in shower videos pulling those same ridiculous faces, and he also posted something that offended one of my friends that really annoyed me and to be honest, showed him to be a really arrogant A hole! He posted a picture saying ‘mother always told me to hold my breath when mingling with the poor’. How dare you! I was mortified as I thought that was such a demeaning thing to post and he wasn’t happy when I brought it up. It then just spiralled more and more he would open up I would discover tendencies I just disliked. He just became or oncovered how arrogant and self absorbed he was. No to mention that we literally had an arguement when I asked if he could be a little affectionate and maybe hold my hand a few times.

Now it ended with him going to Bulgaria and having a break until he came back so he could clear his head. So I messaged and he basically told me via text he saw me as a friend and it would never change and the first time I mentioned his instagram he lost all feeling. So that slapped me in the face big time and showed me that he was never going to change and would always forever be a self absorbed human being who would forever live in a bubble of his own creation.

Anyways, rant over my dears. The moral and topic of this post. Did you see where the gears shifted and it went downhill. Ill tell you.

When I started to insinuate something more than ‘more than just friends’. What is more than just friends? Friends with benefits? No thank you I am not an escort.

I find this term being used so much. I just see it as legitamised use of a human being. What ever happened to the relatioship. Hes my boyfriend. Now its, we are ‘seeing eachother’, but hes not my boyfriend’. Then what is he?

It riles me as I am a man of tradition in many ways and a modern man in others, but romance I have very traditional values and it takes alot for me to like someone. This particular boy never earned my love, thats still only with one person. However I still liked him very much and could see love develop if he wasn’t such a insta guy.

I love insta but when it takes up your existence you have a problem. When following is more important than reality.

Can’t relate.

So thats it from me kids, I will be writing more happy posts as after this whole fiasco my life and business was boosted! Says something doesn’t it, maybe cutting him away allowed me to bloosom. Actually not maybe, scratch that, definitely.

Put yourself first, selfishness is needed sometimes, never let yourself become someone elses pawn.

B xoxox

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