So welcome to 2018. A world where the LGBT have more freedom than ever before, women are gaining more rights and are more prominent in governments around the world. Black, ethnic and minority groups are being heard louder than ever before. However something that has grown in recent years to my concern, is a term called Polyamory.
Now this is a fallacy that runs through society generally, gay or straight, however I have seen that it has become far more prevalent in the gay community. As a gay man myself, I have dated and met many different types of men, and they have all been to a large scale, great people. However that greatness stops when we have been dating for a while and I decide to pop the question as to whether we should make things official and stick the official label of ‘boyfriends’ onto our relationship. Apart from one occasion, this has led to the relationships demise. The last few weeks I have been pretty downhearted about the world, not solely for the reason of boys but being text dumped certainly triggered it. Before we hastily fell apart we had a very interesting conversation. It was in regards to his ex, who was an ex due to cheating, twice. I said to him, why did you even try with this guy? Call me harsh but if you are going to cheat then you are not the one for me, no questions asked.
He explained that he was in love, which is fair enough love does indeed make us blind, however he also went onto more detail that really got me thinking and inspired this post. He said that the ex had explained that he was ‘polyamorous’, meaning that although he would be romantically connected to one guy, at the time of the cheating the guy I was dating, however we would seek physical pleasure with multiple men. He failed to explain this hence why they hastily broke up. Now this is where I get to the heart of this post, why on gods name would anyone seek physical pleasure from other people when they are supposed to be in love with their loved one, husband, wife, long term partner. I will never understand the reasoning for it. I am a very open minded individual and my mind has been changed on many topics. Look at this blog, I wrote a blog explaining my distaste for the LGBT community to use the word queer, however upon talking with lots of different people and reading more into the meaning of why people took the word on, I understood!
This however, is a whole other kettle of fish. One reason why it annoys me so, is for people like me as they must be out there, who simple want a relationship with one person and I want to invest all my romantic energy into the one person, as to me they are special and they would be all I needed. Every time I have felt ready to settle or ready to move onto the second phase guys, well the guys I have been with, always seem to have a problem with commitment. Its so bloody frustrating! Like I get the idea of being wild and experimenting with different guys, or girls, and trying new things and broadening ones physical knowledge. However it gets rather annoying when the world seems to plagued with this ideology of open relationships and the buzz word of polyamory.
I was listening to one of my favourite podcasts, and its a podcast all about sexual failures and real life stories people send in of when sex goes a little wrong. They had a guest on the show for this episode and they were talking about this very topic. He was explaining how he is very open with the ideology of open relationships and has indeed been in them. However the moment I started to turn off and get rather annoyed was when he was explaining how he dated a ‘couple. Yes you read correctly. Welcome to 2018.
He was explaining how he was dating a couple and they would all have intercourse with each other, and they would all share moments and where mentally, romantically and sexually involved with each other. However as he began to explain more into the demise of the relationship it became clear as to why these sort of things are no sustainable and why I decided to call them and this whole topic a fallacy. He went further on to say that after a few years they broke up, because we began being jealous of what the couple had together (They had been together for 14 years before this guy came along and they remained together, they just broke up with the single guy. Yes I know its confusing hence why Im flummoxed by this)
He still, although he ‘was open to the possibility of open relationships’ still longed for a monogamous boyfriend. It just doesn’t make sense.
although he ‘was open to the possibility of open relationships’ still longed for a monogamous boyfriend. It just doesn’t make sense.Anon
One thing I support fully is the restructuring of many social norms to create a fully inclusive society that accepts all its citizens, however I feel these kind of philosophies and ideas are a step too far.