So 2017 was a difficult year for me. Coming out fully as a happy open gay man was a tough step for me as a person. It shouldn’t be but that doesn’t remove the fact that it was. I saw 2018 as a year of hope, growth and happiness. At the time being happily together with my boyfriend of the time, spending new year with him and counting down the seconds to welcome 2018 with him, and seeing light ahead. Two months into 2018, he soon became an ex and the road didn’t stop being rocky there.
When I look back at 2018, I see it has been a year of tests. Mental tests that pushed me to the limits of my being. Financially being a little bit of a yoyo, having money and being pretty comfortable, then bam counting pennies for a bus fare. Jumping into dates hoping to find the one only to be rejected with a text dump or not receiving replies at all.
If anything, this year my highlight was and is the growth of my business. I started the year with no clients, no path of where I wanted to go and a very confused mess of jigsaw pieces of what my business should and could be. Now I have dealt with clients, looking for more and have hired someone. My personal life may have been pretty dark but my business and professional life soared this year and gave me the confidence that I really can do this.
As years go by, I always think I know who I am. I’m Brandon, I’m gay, I love business, I love cycling, I absolutely loathe tomatoes (fresh ones anyway), I am pretty stubborn and love to take the lead on anything I do, I am a perfectionist, too much so! I love to experiment with my fashion, I make mistakes and I absolutely adore hugs, cuddles under the blankets and a lovely fresh red velvet cake swimming in warm custard.
However I have come to see the real me manifest itself very clearly this year on several occasions. I wrote a whole post about it here!
I had a real low in November/ Beginning of December coming to that realisation. It scared me as I am always one to love staying in control of my emotions and being in control of my mind, but seeing it and feeling it spiral out of my control in a record speed unknown to me was a scary sinking feeling.
2018 saw me gain a-lot of friends, lovers, networks and knowledge. I also saw me loose a-lot of those friends and also a lover or two along the way, but this all helped me come to realisation about what I really want and what my aspiration in life really is. What I aspire to and what I crave most of all, love and stability.
However out of all this doom and gloom, I really do feel that 2018 no matter how hard it has been, has tied a bow and sealed a period of my life, that has been full of rocks, stormy seas and thunder. What I see when I look ahead into 2019, is a blank piece of sketch paper, ready and waiting for me to make the first stroke, and cast a new path, create new memories, and embrace who I really am and use it to progress to where and what I aim to craft from myself. I will no longer dwell and rage in anguish and upset over people of the past, but seek and explore new and exciting journeys that will push my boundaries to a new location and new perspective. Graduation, full time work, my 21st year in this planet. So many things are coming to an end next year, and the paper is turning on this chapter of my life ready for those new words and new adventures.
So, 2019, I am coming for you, and I look forward to every word and every letter I craft from the experiences and challenges you throw at me.
So I end with this last post of 2018 with, not my words, but the words of a certain Mr Churchill, and that Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
See you next year my lovelies, and thank you if you have been following me for a while, I really appreciate it, and if you have only just joined the boat, don’t worry, I am not always this depressing, and that I do spill a lot of juicy fun tea once in a while 😉
Lots more to come!