Me

What makes me happy?

So I’m running with this theme of happiness, its a good contrast with recent posts. So I was thinking, what makes me happy? In true ‘me’ fashion, here’s a breakdown! Also if anyone wants to make me happy, here’s a convenient list of things you could do!

One thing that makes me happy is nature. I love to work with the nature around me. In the summer time, I will always try and escape my campus building and walk across the road to Regents Park. I am very privileged to have this right on my doorstep as it makes study, work and general hanging out so much better. The sound of the leaves in the breeze with the water and the sunshine. Nothing better. The smell of freshly cut grass. Orgasmic. Come on Dior, Channel and all these high class luxury labels, where’s the cut grass scent gosh!

I will also be touching more on nature in my upcoming post, but its always helped feed my creativity. My most creative moments in life have come from my walks in the forest or laying down in a field basking in the sunshine. So, wanna make me happy? Take me to the park! (Just not in the winter or cold days please!)

Another thing that makes me happy is music! Music runs in my blood, I cannot go anywhere without music. I can’t sing, If I could I would! I just love listening to music and analysing the meaning of lyrics and really understanding the music and the layers behind the sound. Music can fuel so much of my mood, I have songs for sadness, love, partying, craziness, lazy times and just work or study music. My library is full from music way back in the 50s, to now. I prefer music from the 80s and 90s though. I find this era to be such a transcending era in music evolution. With the likes of the late Aretha Franklin, Micheal Jackson, Madonna, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, the Spice Girls, and more. This era of music really shaped my understanding and views of music. Most of my modern day comparisons go back to this era of music.

The last thing that makes me happy in this post, is love! It’s unbeatable! Love from friends, family, that one person in your life. I have always had love from my friends and family, when I was a child, growing up and after I came out for the first time two years ago. I’m still working on the third. It came once and never came again, yet. I have high hopes though and the way my life is shaping I have no doubt in the world It will come again. I just find hatred to be so pointless and tedious. I have debates online all the time as to why people are so bitter and twisted. I am almost certain I will give up Instagram soon because I find it filled with hate, ignorance and vanity. Just a digital pool for people to show of things and prove to the world that they mean something. Well if you are trying so hard to prove it, most likely you haven’t got it. So thats why love makes me so happy. I will always have my family, my friends have always been there by my side (You know who you are! Xx) and the third is coming.

So thats what makes me happy. I’m a simple guy at heart although I make things rather complex a lot of the time!

I will probably make a part two as there’s a lot more that makes me happy but I don’t want this post to end up as long as Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix as I’m half if not less interesting!

Until next time, more to come my lovelies!

B xoxox

Image from instagram.com/arnold_nagy
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Me

Reinvention

Just as established products and brands need updating to stay alive and vibrant, you periodically need to refresh or reinvent yourself – Mireille Guiliano

This year has pushed my limits. I always talk about this year as being such a bad year, darkness, horridness. Yuck ness.

However, I have always lived life feeling, if you have no battle scars, have you actually lived? To get through life unscathed, Is a life wasted in my opinion. So, we edge closer and closer to the end of summer. Yay! I cannot wait to get back on the grind.

So today, I had the biggest day for a while. Two, pretty important interviews. One of which I passed and am now a designer for my University Student Union! It is my first employment as a designer so I’m really excited about where this lead me and how this will impact me and my business. The second one, Ill keep under wraps until I get a result. Sorry 🙂

So, this year is my last. I’m departing the education sector next year for good, well for now anyways! So after this year, which has been amazing, testing and bittersweet if I had to sum up this year. I am feeling tired, a little beaten up, a little washed out, and a little shadow of my former self.

However today awakened the fire inside that has been dormant for a while now, the fire to really shed this old skin and its time for reinvention!

Now, me as a person will always remain the same, however my attitude to business, the way I conduct business, and the way I look, will be drastically different this year.

The limited time, limited people and desire to get as much out of this year as possible has pushed me to drive drive drive! As I said in a previous post, the negatives as of late have really roughened me up. Now I’m still sweet and happy ok, but if something bothers me I will bring it up. If I’m not happy, you will know, in a constructive not divaish way. I am doing what’s best for me and my business and starts with today!

Now, onto the way I look. I have such a drastic change in my wardrobe coming up. It’s become so stagnant and blah lately as I haven’t one, had the funds to reinvigorate it, or the energy. So I am going to change that. All new aesthetics this year! All shall be revealed sooooon!

So that’s my tea for today, there’s a lot of change coming, its great! Entering third year with a new mental state of mind, fire to succeed, and new people that have really given me the inspiration to grow and try new things!

Good night my loves 😉

Image sourced from https://www.lloyddirks.nl/
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Me

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention

A great quote to start this off from Oscar Wilde. You know, this year I have had a lot of time to reflect and learn from what I have done in the last few years, which has been a lot!

This year I have changed in a lot of ways. I have become more direct in my leadership, more decisive as a person and as a leader, and also learnt that leading the way from the front isn’t always the most effective way of leadership and that empowerment can be just as, or more effective. However I have also had a drastic change in mindset. I was recently asked how volunteering had impacted my life. Now to set some context, I was with a panel of other people, who were part of something called Our Bright Future on the Youth Forum, as am I, and we were all asked this question as we do not get paid for this position.

Now I had not looked at it as volunteering before being asked that question. In my business mindset, I have always been business driven. I work for a company in my old job, in my company I work for profits as at the end of the day, I need to live and be paid. I have always been scared of volunteering and that word sent shivers down my spine.

I just never thought I could have the time to devote to unpaid work. Also I thought, everyone I have ever seen who volunteers or does philanthropical work has a nice pot of wealth and well, I don’t have that. So Volunteering never really resonated with me.

However that mindset quickly changed when I was selected for the Youth Forum. My project was a sustainable food business, and we sold sustainable food on campus, and was never paid for it, we invested 100% back into the business. We would go for conferences and meetings, and travel and accommodation would be paid but we wouldn’t receive a wage for it. Until I was asked, It never dawned on me that I had been volunteering, to be honest for the first time in my life. Now when everyone was asked they all on a general statement agreed that they went into volunteering, to gain experience to then gain a job, but I found myself to be the opposite. I did paid work and launched my business, and then finding myself go to volunteering, to help me refine myself as a person and also to help refine my business.

Something I found I could have when I volunteered, in comparison to business, was a solid community of like minded individuals, in my case, who all cared for the environment as much as I did. This I did not get when being a lone wolf developing my business. I was able to network, branch out, and utilise this network, to help my business become more eco friendly. I wanted to build in ecological values at the grassroots of my business, so I didn’t need to invest in years to come in comprehensive CSR schemes that many other larger corporations do. I find it a little complex and defeats the object of being eco friendly.

Volunteering helped me achieve this and more. The experience, the wealth of knowledge and most importantly the community that came with volunteering for me far outweighed a simple job with a wage. The ‘opportunity cost’ of the time I have invested, will now grow and give back either in clients and money in the future, and the feeling of happiness knowing that there are people out there that think just like you, and have your back.

It’s a nice experience.

It’s rather funny, thinking that one question I was asked penned such a pivot in my life and pathways of thought in my mind.

Would I recommend volunteering? 100%, don’t wait. Go for it.

I feel so much more fulfilled as a human being for going through the process of volunteering will continue to volunteer until I physically cannot!

Being fulfilled as a human being is far more important in my mind than being fulfilled in the bank account.

Image from ngagementworks.com
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Me

Portfolio 2: RuPaul Charles (Early Version)

This is the start of a sketch (Portrait) of RuPaul Charles in my favourite look from him. It is the Season 10 promo and debut outfit. I love the detailing on the suit and the hair also is very dramatic and eye catching. This is a first stage of the sketch, I plan to refine it, make it more wow and add some colour too! More to come from this one!

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Me

Portfolio One: Characters Recreated

I wanted to showcase some work I have been doing. I have always been a Logo/Graphic designer, dealing with rigid lines and curves and more, and always experimenting with different shapes, colours and brushes. However something I have never done is draw, so I started to do so to one, get some more skills under my belt, and also, just because I love doing it! So my first little portfolio is of different characters from Disney and more! Hope you like them!

Goofy was drawn here.

My favourite character from a rather popular TV Series, Spongebob Squarepants (This is Squidward)

Who cannot love Donald! (The duck, not the orange)

My first ever drawing attempt!

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LGBT +, Me, My Diary

The good bits

This is the part where I would usually explain the elaborate and mysterious title I had chosen for the post, but this time I am keeping it simple and it pretty much explains itself ok. Do not judge me.

My last few posts have been pretty deep, talking about my fluctuating and deflated mental health over the last few months, to explaining about a recent event that made me think about the true meaning of Pride.

So I decided to side track all that and you know what, shock horror. In all that doom and gloom and despair and tears, there are some shiners! The GOOD BITS!

I love some good bits. So this post is a little ramble about all the good bits and updating the lovely reader reading this now (Thank you) that there are good things in life. No matter the crap and dirt life throws, there’s always some lemons on the shelf that allow you to make some cool and refreshing lemonade!

So the first great thing is the Mayors Entrepreneur Intern. Every year, the Mayor of london, Sadiq Khan at the moment, selects a handful of entrepreneurs to be Entrepreneur Interns for a year. This is such a huge opportunity that can lead to so many great things! Life, time and preparation stopped me last year from applying and just pure laziness on my part, however this year I made it my mission to get my head into gear and sign up! So I did! I shall sure write a post if I get it or not! Fingers crossed!

The second is the RAHM project. The RAHM project is a contest that gets lgbt CEOs from around the world to apply, contend and win a place on a two day extensive workshop that helps all the 100 CEOs selected to crack out a plan to fix or progress some form of injustice or inequality in the LGBT business world. I applied a few months ago and this week got told I made it through to the next round! Round 2 requires me to get someone to write me a supporting document so they know I am not making up the fact that I am the best leader in the world (LOL). I need to go through a interview and then await news of the next round! I am super excited as its something I have wanted to do ever since a friend of mine on the same course successfully got in and told me about it!

Lastly I have my third year timetable! I have two free days and the other three are not that bad timing either. It also dawned on me the fact that I GRADUATE THIS YEAR. My final year of university is almost upon me and it bloody scares me to death, but also excites the living daylights out of me!

There have been other good bits but the post will get rather long and I do not want to strain your eyes and brain reading a huge post, as I tend to write a lot, so bear with me.

If you follow my posts you will see I have been posting a lot more frequently lately and I feel I’m getting my writing bug back which I LOVE! When Uni starts next month, not going to lie I will probably be a little less frequent as life just works that way, but this blog is aimed at being my virtual diary for life, so for those following me journey thank you so much and there’s a long way to go and for those who have just joined my blog on this post, WELCOME! You are in for a ride trust me!

More to come folks!

B xoxox

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LGBT +, Me

So this is why I feel pride is still needed today

So last week I was walking home from meeting a friend of mine for some afternoon drinks in Soho, was a little tipsy, it was 10pm in the evening and the sky was dusky so still a little light for that time of day.

We walked as a group until Tottenham Court Road tube station and thats were we departed, I went down New Bond Street to get to Oxford Circus to get a bus back home. As I was walking, I didn’t have my earphones in for the first time in forever because my phone was almost dead so I like to have it for emergencies so I decided to go without the music. It was hell as I can’t go anywhere alone without music. So I was walking alone, and I saw a big rawdy group of guys, clearly more drunk than I was and I did feel a little worried but I go by the Philosophy if you just keep yourself to yourself 99.9% of the time its ok. So I kept walking and walked past them, apart from a few passing looks I didn’t get anything bad from them which was such a relief.

However I then hear from behind me yelling, one of the men shouting, ‘There he is, the devil walks amungst us’. At first I thought nothing of it just some drunken mumbo jumbo. However he continued after that to say, ‘no normal man walks like that, telling you thats the devil right there, fag’. This stunned me.

On the outside nothing happened, I didn’t turn back or run or stop to try and confront him. I didn’t cry or get upset over it, why would I? The scenario just shocked me.

Im rather lucky in the fact that I haven’t really faced that much hate. Apart from some disapproving family members everyone I have met has been so supportive and not phased at the simple fact I am gay. However it was the last statement that the man shouted that I will remember for a long time. It may have not been aimed at me who knows I didn’t care to check, however I was the only person on the road appart from them. Also strange timing right after I walk past them.

Fag. I hate that word so much.

Its the only word that will trigger me. Im pretty hard with most things, you could said what you wanted to me and really it wouldn’t impact me, and I have had some hurtful things said about – and too me by people I considered close. However that word, that gets me. Im not sure why that particular word, but it does.

This incident really assured me why we need pride today and how far we still have to travel to win the fight.

I was planning a why we need pride post in the future and begun writing it last week, however I erased it and started again on this one as this sums up why we need it far better than any words I can throw together. We have come so far in recent years. My generation is probably the most accepting and fluid generation ever and really, theres never been a better time to be gay!

However we still share The World with others who don’t think the same, people who still find homosexuality sinful, disgusting and curable. We still share the planet with people who find being anyway attracted to the same sex is nasty and not naturual. Its these very people that pride needs and pride should leverage to change their thinking and push the message that love it love and we can be and do and love whatever and whoever we want.

The World is so flexiable now, however even flexability has limits and its pride that pursues to push and break those limits.

B xoxox

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